True Confessions of an Originaljoesnake

“Win or lose, it’s how you play the game”, right? Well, maybe not. Serious competitors, those who have what it takes to make it to the professional ranks, win the championship, and be voted MVP don’t subscribe to that thinking. The champions are more than willing to plow through those they perceive as mentally weaker to achieve success and grab the trophy. After all, as legendary football coach Vince Lombardi said, “Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser.”

Do Whatever it Takes

Our culture treats the loser like a second-class citizen. The belief is that if a player really had true courage, strength, heart, or pride- if they were really a man, that player would find a way to win. The notion is that if a player were good enough, they’d win. Not winning is an insult to a man’s competitive nature, which is an insult to his manhood in general.

Look around the sports world. Those considered the greatest not only have to be among the best players in a particular sport for a particular time period, they have to win the big games, the trophies, and the rings to be mentioned among the truly elite. Athletes who attain amazing individual success on the playing field, setting records, and yet fail to achieve a championship or win a super bowl are forever remembered as second-tier players and guys who couldn’t win the big one.

“Simpy put, there’s a double-standard in our society for “winners” and “losers,” and it carries over into the sports world. If you lose and complain about something, you’re a whiner. If you win and act like an asshole, you’re just “intensely competitive.”

The perception is that Michael Jordan was one of the greatest basketball players to play the game. Why? What separated Air Jordan from the pack of Dream Teamers like Karl Malone, John Stockton, Charles Barkley, and Patrick Ewing, all hall-of-fame caliber players? The number of rings that Jordan won distinguished him and is the reason why he is still regarded as the best. While some may surpass Jordan’s individual stats, it will be almost impossible for any up-and-coming player to supersede the number of rings on his fingers.

Yet, is Michael Jordan what we want our kids to grow up to be? Sure, it’s great when children have a passion and a talent for something and they can be successful. But, as in the case with people who are driven to succeed no matter what, the personal life, relationships, loved ones, and everything else are sacrificed in order to win.

While Jordan will be remembered for gravity deviance and game-winning shots, his marriage recently ended in divorce. Jordan’s adulterous relationships outside of his marriage and gambling problems are no secret. Why it is acceptable in our culture to do whatever it takes to win and acceptable to degrade the accomplishments and character of others who are never able to? “All that matters is the ring!”, you’ll often hear athletes say.

“It’s the same kind of hypocrisy that allowed Michael Jordan to relentlessly abuse his teammates without taking a significant hit in popularity. So what if he beat up on teammates and made them cry… he just wanted to win! Even if it meant punching out Steve Kerr over a game of Tiddly Winks. And in America, nothing is as important as winning and being a winner. After all, if you don’t win “the big one” (whatever that may be), you will be remembered as a loser and all your accomplishments rendered meaningless.”

Temporary Victory

I can only imagine how amazing it must feel to stand on top of the podium and pump your fists or pour champaign over the heads of teammates after you’ve dedicated a lifetime of hard work and training to your sport. But, will the ring and the trophy buy happiness for years to come?

The answer for athletes and all people driven for success at any cost in their careers is no. There’s no one who will say at the end of their life, “I wish I would have spent more time at work, I wish I would have sacrificed more friends and family to get to the top.” Rather, most will regret the things they sacrificed in pursuit of the success they vowed to have at any cost. They never realized the extent of the price they would actually have to pay.

As sweet as success tastes, when the bill must be paid with interest later in life it’s doubly bitter. Muhammad Ali, regarded as one of the greatest athletes of our time, literally sacrificed his body in the boxing ring to achieve his legendary status. His “rope-a-dope” strategy worked, as did the sacrifice he made. At 65, Ali is a prisoner in his own body, suffering from Parkinson’s disease which effects his central nervous system causing him to shake uncontrollably with one day fatal results.

But the rapturous praise Ali is receiving [surrounding his 65th birthday] is not just for his ability in the ring. We are told that Ali transcended boxing and that he transformed sports in general.

This is true, for Ali precipitated a shocking and apparently permanent decline in sportsmanship. The bragging and taunting that mars so many sports today can be traced directly to the antics of Ali.

Ali’s admirers prefer not mention his true non-ring legacy, but when asked they don’t deny it. Today, the great college basketball coach turned sports talk host, John Thompson, asked sports columnist Dave Kindred (author of a book on Ali and his… partner, Howard Cosell) whether Ali is to blame for the trash-talking that goes on in sports. Kindred said he is, but argued that it doesn’t detract from Ali’s legacy because, unlike today’s athletes, Ali did it good-naturedly and for fun.

Kindred has it exactly backwards… Today’s taunting — mostly celebratory in nature — is much better-natured than, for example, the kind of race-baiting through which Ali attacked Joe Frazier and others… Ali was not an embracer or a laugher. Often, he was as nasty and ungracious after the fight as before it. If you check out the almost unwatchable tape of Ali and Cosell reviewing the film of the Ali-Ernie Terell fight, you will hear a whiney, sulky, vindictive man-child…

Tom Brady has all but guaranteed his trip to the Hall of Fame after 3 Super Bowl wins early in his career. Most are familiar with Brady’s story, entering the NFL as a 6th round draft pick, no one could have expected he’d become a superstar player who, in the eyes of most sports fans, is a dashing handsome, good guy who can do no wrong.

After the game [the AFC Championship Game], Brady just turned around and stalked off the field without a backward glance. Our clumsy human words can’t begin to describe what a dick move that was. Here’s a guy who’s won three Super Bowls, and he can’t just suck it up and be gracious in defeat? It’s sad. Do a quick Google image search for “Tom Brady and Peyton Manning” and you’ll find several pictures of Manning congratulating a victorious Brady after the Colts’ past playoff failures. Manning stood tall and took his medicine — and heaps of criticism for “choking” in big games — but Brady wouldn’t.

And how was this not news? After getting sacked into oblivion in last year’s playoff loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers, Manning stated the obvious: the Colts had protection problems. Going into this year’s playoffs, the press was still skewering him over that comment. And the so-called “Manning Face.” And about how he throws his arms in the air and shakes his head when he’s frustrated. These things have been used repeatedly as Exhibits A through Z in the case of “Peyton Manning is a choke artist.” Yet when Tom Brady yells at his receivers for dropping balls, or when he throws his water bottle down in disgust, or when he stomps off the field like a spoiled child who just had his Optimus Prime taken away…the press either looks the other way or uses it as further proof of how badly Brady wants to win.

No one is denying that Brady, Ali, and Jordan aren’t among their sports greatest stars. They’ve turned a life of hard work, talent, and sacrifice into some of the most memorable victories in sports history. One would think that this would ensure a lifetime of fulfillment and satisfaction. Surely, this is why others continue to compete to get to the peak of their respective careers like champions like Brady have.

Is the air sweeter and more meaningful at the top? It’s not. Rather, it’s the opposite. You can’t live there for long because the sacrifice required to stay there deteriorates everything around you. There’s a long line of people who are eager to knock you down and take your place.

Surely, Tom Brady who is this era’s greatest big game quarterback, rich, famous, handsome, coveted by women the world over, and rumored to be dating supermodel Gisele would be more than satisfied with his life. Teammates say that Brady has been so successful, despite being initially overlooked, “because he hates to lose.” Brady himself says, ” I think they underestimated my competitiveness.”

The same intense competitive spirit that drove Jordan and Ali to win at any cost drives Brady to do the same. The end of his career in sight, Brady has already accumulated what most people can only dream of.

But with all Brady’s fame and career accomplishments, [Steve] Kroft [interviewing Brady for 60 Minutes] was surprised to hear this from him: “Why do I have three Super Bowl rings and still think there’s something greater out there for me? I mean, maybe a lot of people would say, ‘Hey man, this is what is.’ I reached my goal, my dream, my life. Me, I think, ‘God, it’s got to be more than this.’ I mean this isn’t, this can’t be what it’s all cracked up to be.”

“What’s the answer?” asks Kroft.

“I wish I knew. I wish I knew,” Brady replies.

The List Goes On

Facing a lifetime of infamy and presumed guilt for murdering his wife, O.J. Simpson was forced to auction off his Heisman Trophy. Simpson is yet another fierce competitor to fail miserably on life’s playing field.

Steelers running back Rocky Bleier sold his four Super Bowl rings for $40,000 in 1996 in a bankruptcy-and-divorce procedure and was allowed to “lease” them for $1,368 a month over three years to get them back; Cowboys linebacker Thomas “Hollywood” Henderson had his Super Bowl XII ring seized to pay back taxes. Giants wide receiver Bob Johnson pawned his Super Bowl XXI ring in Nashville for $500 and never retrieved it. Raiders defensive back Skip Thomas pawned his Super Bowl XI ring in a futile attempt to save his house from being sold by creditors.

Scott Welkowsky, owner of sports memorabilia store, sa[ys] most sellers “are victims of what I call the triple Ds — death, divorce or drugs. “Some guys are gamblers or made bad investments.”

Very few players even get to the professional ranks and even fewer actually get to the top. Of the millions trying desperately and sacrificing greatly, how many lose everything to never even taste a glimpse of the big time?

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with playing sports. I love sports. I think there’s a host of valuable lessons children can learn from them like teamwork, discipline, hard work, and fair play. It’s even good to learn to be competitive, but the line between good sportsmanship and being destructively competitive must be drawn.

We all want to win and in fact it’s built into our nature to yearn for a victorious life full of meaningful accomplishments. The problem is that our culture wrongly views the concept of winning as a no-holds barred, step over people to get the top endeavor. This couldn’t be further from what winning really looks like. In fact, true winners are able to give their all on the field of play and go home to successful, loving relationships. After their sports career is over, no matter how many trophies are in their case, they realize that to truly win in life means something totally different than destroying everyone and everything around them to achieve short lived success. Teammates and friends who were on the winning season bandwagon will soon move on after the victory party ends. Then, what good is any achievement in life if no one is really there to share it with you?

Parents are raising their kids to be insanely competitive believers in a winner-take-all mindset. They push their kids to be the best and to stop at nothing to succeed on the field and the children buy into it. Their favorite sports heroes are taunting, dancing, celebrating, and spitting all over the opposing teams and the court, why shouldn’t they? If these kids can’t get their way in even a friendly game of hoops, they’ll end the contest in a childish emotional outburst- just like the ones they’ve seen on TV. It’s okay to elbow someone in the back if the ref doesn’t see it. After all, it helped them get the rebound that won the game.

“Kids who have coaches who care only about being in first place and say that anything goes as long as they win, pick up the message that it’s OK to be ruthless on the field. If parents constantly pressure them to play better or second-guess their every move, kids get the message that they’re only as good as their last good play — and they’ll try anything to make one.”

“An overemphasis on winning in a sport may also cloud perceptions of moral behavior. For example, boys engaged in a Kickball World Series were less likely to be cooperative than boys who were just given the opportunity to engage in free play were… an “emphasis on winning in organized sport may lead children to become rivalrous in social interactions with other children,” which may in turn lead to a decline in helping others. Overemphasis on winning in sport can also lead individuals (athletes, coaches, and parents alike) to engage in antisocial or delinquent behaviors aimed at trying to gain an advantage to win. For example, a mother forged a birth certificate for her 17-year-old son so that he could play in a league for 14-year-olds; and a coach secretly injected oranges with amphetamines, and then fed them to his unknowing 10- to 12-year-old football players to get them up for a game.”

Adults who emphasize good sportsmanship, however, see winning as just one of several goals they’d like their kids to achieve. They help young athletes take pride in their accomplishments and in their improving skills, so that the kids see themselves as winners, even if the scoreboard doesn’t show the numbers going in their favor.”

The fact is, most parents who drive their kids to be Jordan-esque competitors are failing in the game of life. For all the practice and sacrifice, does Dad really think junior has a chance to make it to the big leagues?

Parents who teach their kids to sacrifice everything to win are setting up their children for failure in life, regardless of whether they win or lose in their particular sport or career. Even the greatest examples of success in sports history have, even after tremendous accomplishments, ended up destroying their lives and never accomplishing quite enough to feel satisfied.

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