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True Confessions of an Originaljoesnake

February 29, 2008

The Bridge

Filed under: Blogroll, Movies, closet cleaning — joesnake @ 1:37 pm

More “closet cleaning”…

Just this past Saturday, A Shaker Heights doctor accused of by running a “pill mill” from his three clinics killed himself by jumping off the Valley View bridge.


Valley View Police…said they were called to the bridge at 7:43 a.m. after a witness saw a man jump off the eastbound lanes of the Interstate 480 bridge.

The witness told police the man opened his car door left the engine running and jumped.

…the fall was about 170 to 180 feet.

Which turned my thoughts to “The Bridge”. “The Bridge” is a controversial 2006 documentary about the high rate of suicide jumpers who use San Francisco’s most recognizable structure, The Golden Gate Bridge, to end their lives.

The filmmakers point their cameras at an infamous position on the bridge for a year and capture 19 people jumping off towards death. The film focuses on interviews with friends and families of the jumpers. More a funeral remembrance to the victims than a sensational attempt to capture something morbid, “The Bridge” isn’t as horrific as it is just saddening. Maybe not so surprisingly, it offers little in terms of answers or hope. Footage of people climbing over the rails of the bridge to fall to the ocean below is intertwined with loved ones detailing lives that just didn’t fit into this world, lonely people, and struggling to explain why someone they knew would end their life.

Suicide sign on the Golden Gate Bridge

Despite signs like this, people still jump.

What goes through a person’s mind as they plunge to their death? The most alarming realization of the documentary is that a person ending their life has many long seconds before impact with the water, which is like concrete to an object falling from so high so fast. These seconds seem lengthy even to casual viewers of “The Bridge”, but I wonder how long they must have felt for those actually falling.

One of the jumpers, with a history of mental illness but the appearance of an average young man, is interviewed after he survives his suicide jump off the bridge. He tells the camera that after not going to school that day and crying the entire bus ride there, on the way down he realized he wanted to live. Astonishingly, he does- with many broken bones.

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February 28, 2008

On the Bandwagon

Filed under: Blogroll, Browns, Cavs, Cleveland, Football, closet cleaning — joesnake @ 11:31 am

In the words of our generation’s most profound poet, “I’m cleaning out my closet”. This entry represents one of the many partially written entries I have saved in hopes of finishing, but didn’t seem to get around to. Now, I’ve just finished it. The result of combining my thoughts from months ago with my thoughts from the present should be an interesting collision of moods and ideas.

I never understood the weirdness between “riding the bandwagon” and being “on the wagon”. Of course to ride the bandwagon is to suddenly become interested in something because it is popular and is a common occurrence in sports. When it became clear the Indians were playoff bound last year, suddenly the Jake Progressive Park started filling up again. Almost overnight, everyone became an Indians fan again, dusting off their late-90’s Wahoo apparel.

On the wagon means that someone has decided not to drink alcohol, which as a phrase always confused me. Don’t a lot of people drink alcohol? Shouldn’t you need to jump off the alcohol bandwagon instead of going on it?

I’m admittedly on the Indians bandwagon. The only benefit to them sucking again would be the prospect of seeing who producers would cast in the Willie Mays Hayes role Wesley Snipes and Omar Epps played so brilliantly. While I casually root for the team during the year, the Indians are the Cleveland team I’d least like to see win a Championship. This is a deceptive statement because it doesn’t mean I won’t be rooting for them hard, after all we’re talking about a teenager that wouldn’t move out of his chair for game 7 of the 1997 World Series because he thought it would jinx Jose Mesa and the Tribe (wait…maybe it did. Shit.), but it just means that I would rather see the Cavs and the Browns hoist trophies more. Baseball is an excruciatingly boring sport. Playoff baseball is a different animal, a little easier to watch because it’s more intense, but it’s even longer than the regular season.

It’s always been hard not to like this version of the Indians though. The team is young and actually seems to really like each other, which is probably a huge reason why they’ve achieved success. Even Kenny Lofton seemed to be having fun last season.

Despite their success last year, a huge elephant was waiting to enter the locker room this season. The team’s Cy Young winning ace, C.C. Sabathia, is due for a huge new contract, which some speculate will make him the highest paid pitcher in baseball history. While C.C. seems like a genuinely likeable good-guy, is there much doubt in any Clevelander’s mind that he’ll bolt town and leave the notoriously frugal Indians after this season for the chance to set up multiple generations of his family financially? Haven’t the Indians been there before with Manny, Albert, and Thome?

As much as I like sports, the older I grow the more I realize this industry is the same as any other business or system in the world. Coaches and players throw around clichés like loyalty, hard work, win one for the fans, and for the love of the game like they were candy at a parade.

LeBron James donned a Yanks cap at an Indians' playoff game, which alienated many Cleveland sports fans.

When LeBron showed up in this Yanks cap, people took it personally.

The team’s public relations department is working to get fans to but in too, shouting slogans like “welcome to the family”. The scoreboard constantly bombards attendees with notion that the home team can’t bear to go on unless they stand up and cheer more loudly. The hometown fans refer to their team of choice as “we”, but it’s not like the hired mercenaries on the field and the court had much choice to what colors they’d be wearing. Sure, there are a few free agents that sign with the hometown team, but for the most part it’s about money.

Ask yourself, without considering the other circumstances involved, would you hesitate to take another job, doing virtually the same thing, that offered $10,000 more per year? Then why would the answer be any different if the offer were for 10,000,000 more per year?

LeBron James, Cleveland’s most iconic and revered athlete, has been positioning himself to move to a major market since he joined the professional ranks. As a fan, I would like nothing more for LeBron to stay in town, but who am I kidding? King James’ dream to become to world’s first billionaire athlete will almost certainly outweigh the loyalty he feels to Akron and Northeast Ohio. After all, when he joins the Nets and close friend Jay-Z in Brooklyn as has been speculated, he’ll still have enough money to jet back to his million dollar mansion in Bath anytime he wants. Who can blame him?

I know, I sound like a jaded asshole. But, I’m not. At least I think I’m not. I’ll still enjoy watching and playing sports, but I’ve lost my childlike view that the athletes that participate in them are any different than anyone else at any other job.

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February 19, 2008

No Country

Filed under: Blogroll, Movies — joesnake @ 11:46 am

Finally saw No Country For Old Men. Since hearing the title, I wanted to like the movie even before I saw it. It’s strange how something so simple and seemingly unimportant as a title can affect your perception like that.

I liked the movie a lot, despite the final outcome. In fact, the film felt very similar to The Departed due to the undesired conclusion and for many other reasons. I wanted to yell at the screen. Damn, Llewelyn shouldn’t have gone back to give that Mexican agua, even he knew it was a bad idea.

In both – The hero is in over his head, the entire movie is sweaty palms with the whole outcome riding on a few choices that could have easily been made differently, the presence of a villian that is so vivid and hated in the end he must be loved, and the gruesome amount of blood and violence.

The conclusion seems abrupt, but does it make the movie flawed? I haven’t decided. To it’s credit, the movie doesn’t give us the Hollywood ending we’re conditioned to expect. After intensely following a trial of blood across Texas, it all comes to an end in a shootout we don’t even get to see.

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February 14, 2008

No One Mourns the Wicked

Filed under: Blogroll, Marriage — joesnake @ 2:17 pm

After months of growing anticipation and some trickery on my part, I finally took my wife to see the musical “Wicked” last night. February 13 has some significance to it, at least to our relationship, because on that day two years ago I asked her to marry me. She said yes.

She was really excited to see Wicked and I’ll admit I was too. She’d been listening to the soundtrack for months, as well as telling anyone she met that she was going to see “Wicked”. Most of build up for me was an eagerness to see what all the hype and fuss was about. I knew the musical was based on a book, which she read, written as the “true” account of the wicked witch of the west. Supposedly, she wasn’t as wicked as Dorothy thought. It’s a clever story.

So, when we arrived at the State Theater it was filled with other female “Wicked” fans with their husbands and various boyfriend types in tow. It was a people watcher’s dream: there were other young couples just like us and older folks, but mostly the seats were filling full of young-aspiring theater majors with interesting hairstyles and wardrobe choices. One woman sauntered to her set wearing some kind of animal’s fur as a coat and a frizzy bee hive hairdo that would make Amy Winehouse cringe. The little child sitting directly behind her quickly switched positions with his mother.

I had bought the tickets online months ahead of time and with the foreknowledge that the gaudy purchase price guaranteed us nothing except admittance to the show. It’s hard to tell from a little color-coded chart how good your seats will really be. So, I was pleasantly surprised to see that our seats were not only very close to the stage, but on the aisle and in a row with only two other seats. Sure, we were off the side of the theater, but with all the action going down in the middle of the stage anyway, the only thing that was really necessary was my wife’s approval anyway. “These are really good!” she squealed with delight signifying my purchase had passed the initial test.

The musical raises a lot of moral questions- the so called ‘wicked’ witch isn’t really that wicked. She couldn’t help that she was born a hideous shade of green which made her an instant outcast to her family and classmates. But, in the end and for all of her life she was labeled as strange and then eventually evil by those that didn’t know her.



This was the part where the witches shot laser beams out of their eyes at each other…well, not really, but that would have been awesome.

Before the production began, a husband and wife were discussing the issue behind us. “I don’t think people are born evil”, she said to her husband whose non-response indicated his desire for the conversation to end and the show to begin. “Well…some people are born wicked and some just turn evil because of things that happen in their life”, she continued, waffling on her opinion somewhat.

The curtain in front of us was a map of the Land of Oz, with the Emerald City glowing green. Above the stage there was a mechanical-looking dragon. We wondered out loud if it would be part of the show. The orchestra tuned in preparation of executing the opening notes to the first number.

As the dancers leapt onto the stage and the good witch floated down on some kind of pendulum looking bubble, the cast burst into song, exclaiming, “No one Mourns the Wicked!” The dark, ominous tune set an appropriate tone for the rest of the performance. However, there were also lighter moments, happy endings, and considerable amounts of laughter woven into the show. I heard the rustling of a bag of candy behind me many times, wondering to myself if someone was wrestling with a roll of mutant flesh eating saran wrap, but my wife was too focused on the spectacle in front of us to be bothered one bit. She even sung quietly along to Galinda the good witch’s solo song, Popular.

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February 5, 2008

101 or Einstein’s Got Competition

Filed under: Blogroll — joesnake @ 11:19 am

I took this “IQ” test, which is really a general knowledge/ history test. After I was done, the results told me “Einstein’s got competition”. In what, I wonder, being dead? Rim shot. Cymbal crash.

What a Super Bowl. It seemed like everyone was rooting for the Giants to defeat the big, bad Patriots and they did. Everybody loves the underdog.

When boyishly awkward Eli Manning eluded the grasp of a defender and completed a bomb to David Tyree, who caught the ball with his helmet, it immediately became one of the greatest sports plays ever. Afterwards, described by Tyree as supernatural. Meanwhile, no one feels sorry for Quarterback Tom Brady who still has his millions of dollars, chiseled chin, and superunderwearmodel girlfriend to go home to.

Which leaves us to the big question. Which firmly established classic rock act will play halftime at Super Bowl 43 next year? There aren’t many supergroups out there that have the following, name recognition, and qualify as a “safe” choice. Remember, the Super Bowl organizers had to deal with the scandal created by Janet’s “wardrobe malfunction” and even Prince creating a gigantic naughty silhouette while straddling his phallic guitar, so the selection has to be extremely conservative.

U2, The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney…all the safe options have already played Super Bowls past. Then there’s the option of trotting out a medley of an eclectic mix of stars and letting them do the all-star jam thing on stage. But, that’s also been done the year we saw Janet’s nipple ring and in 2001 when Aerosmith, Britney Spears, NSync, and Nelly all crammed on stage.



The 2000 Halftime performance also launched a huge debate- who spent more time in hair and makeup- Britney or Steven Tyler?

During the Giants win, we got to brainstorming. Who will play Super Bowl 43’s halftime show? Elton John? Too glittery. The Police? Their songs might be too slow and “Roxanne” is too risky…wait…Sting already played a Super Bowl with Shania Twain. Then Jake suggested The Eagles. Ahhh, just right. What’s funny is apparently, the “Hotel California” supergroup was on the NFL’s Super Bowl halftime wish list and was approached to do halftime at SB42. So were Bruce Springsteen and Norah Jones.

In the event that organizers can’t locate Elvis or bring back the 2 deceased Beatles from the dead, who will be the super-safe Super Bowl half time choice for 2009?

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February 1, 2008

100

Filed under: Blogroll, Christianity, Jesus, asides — joesnake @ 12:26 pm

That’s right…this is my 100th post on True Confessions of an Originaljoesnake. A celebration of monumental magnitude is in order. What better way to recognize this great achievement than a lunch at Chipotle? Frankly, I can think of no other way.

A look back into time will show that I have been blogging for much longer than this site has existed. Far, far back into yesteryear I was entertaining millions tens of readers in my previous homes on diaryland, livejournal, and 21 publish.

A recent revealing Frontline story “Growing up Online” on the internet’s powerful effect on youth and how it is widening the gap between the older and younger generations has me thinking. What is the point behind me typing all these words? Most of the time, the site is more for me than for anyone else out there that would happen to be reading it. Writing helps me crystallize my thoughts on life, so for that reason alone it’s been worth it.

The Internet has created the greatest generation gap since rock ‘n’ roll. – Growing up Online

But people are reading my posts, as the stats will show. Not many, but probably some people I’ve never met. What kind of impact, if any, do my words have on these people? In “Growing up Online”, many compared the internet to the wild west. But, everything I do here leaves behind a fingerprint and a fossil that will remain forever. While it’s entertaining to look back, there’s no doubt I’d be embarrassed by some of the childish things I’ve written over the years, wishing they would just go away.

In some ways, the internet has served as my secret getaway from reality just like it did for characters like Cody Calamity and Autumn Edows. In the beginning, I was naive about what I wrote down here, banging out anything I felt at the time. Often, the times I was inspired to write were times I was full of anger, bitterness, happiness, or hope. I’m sure a look back into the archives would be like riding an incoherent emotionally twisted rollercoaster of words.

Now that I’m a little older and wiser, albeit with a lot to still learn, I choose my words carefully because I am leaving my traceable and irrevocable mark all over cyberspace.



What happens to all those thoughts that never make it to the blog?

Hopefully you, my dear reader, come away from a visit to my page entertained. It’s also my desire that since I am a Christ-follower, if you are too that you leave edified. If you’re not I hope that you exit rethinking your stance on religion, or with a changed perspective towards God.

Jesus made some bold and irrevocable claims in his day, too. “I am the way, the truth and the light. No one comes to the father but through me” was pretty tough. But Jesus could back up his words. Where do you stand with him?

I share Christ with you not in an attempt to jam him down your throat, but because I’ve seen the life-changing power only he can have transform people. Just yesterday, I was talking to someone who, although he faces a handicap and has had difficulty finding a job, took a volunteer position at the local Salvation Army serving food to the homeless and doing other chores for the shelter. Due to Christ’s awesome power, this young man was not only able to be honestly excited about his job, but have a much more mature perspective on life and relationships than I ever had at his age.

In fact, this dude used to be grumpy and unbearable to be around- a position most of my current co-workers are permanently stuck in! Then, Christ took over. Now, he’s one of the most enjoyable people to be around that I know. He recently led his best friend to Christ.

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