Books « True Confessions of an Originaljoesnake

October 10, 2009

Be Spontaneous!

Filed under: Blogroll, Books, Christianity — Tags: Roland Allen, Spontaneous Expansion — joesnake @ 6:51 pm

In “The Spontaneous Expansion of the Church”, Roland Allen describes the beauty and genius of God and his kingdom – [that] “One or two little groups of Christians organized as churches…could spread all over an empire.”

This whimsical and sanguine movement of Christianity, propelled by the Holy Spirit can’t be manufactured by religious institutions, church programs, or any amount of singing in the worship service a congregation may try. Explains Allen,

“…this is what I mean by spontaneous expansion. I mean the expansion which follows the unexhorted and unorganized activity of individual members of the Church explaining to the others the Gospel which they have found for themselves; I mean the expansion which follows the irresistible attraction of the Christian Church for men who see its ordered life, and are drawn to it by desire to discover the secret of a life which they instinctively desire to share; I mean also the expansion of the Church by the addition of new Churches.”

Allen’s expansion is native people evangelizing to other native people, 14-year olds witnessing to their peers, auto-mechanics sharing Christ with other auto-mechanics. So, although Allen writes as a missionary visiting foreign lands and dealing with their native peoples, the idea of “Spontaneous Expansion” is just as applicable to Christians working to establish churches in their backyards. Youth ministry in particular often resembles strange soil, even to those who aren’t that far removed from their adolescence.

The Christianity that Allen is advocating is unlike the brand seen it most of America’s tired and failing churches. It is instead a powerful force, a revolution. Our job, as missionaries and church planters is not to try to control this force, but more akin to lighting and dropping a match in a dry forest.

Spontaneous Human

In Allen’s words, “If we want to see spontaneous expansion, we must establish native Churches free from our control.” However, this is a problem for missionaries who would rather come in and impose their ways and rules for doing “church” than raise up a competent indigenous person to do their own church. It flies in the face of institutional Christianity that would rather prevent cussing than unleash a revolution.

Allen states a stern warning to those who attempt to try to control the movement of the Holy Spirit:

“We fear [spontaneous expansion] because we feel that it is something that we cannot control. And that is true. We can neither induce nor control spontaneous expansion…simply because it is spontaneous.”

After all, controlling behavior and implementing rules is easier than starting a revolution, but it’s nothing more than death warmed over. It’s the reason why the Church’s youth is being lost to the universities and the sultry seduction of the Kosmos.

Moreover, starting a spontaneous, sweeping Christ-like revolution is impossible for men. As Roland Allen puts it, “The great things of God are beyond our control. Therein lies a vast hope. Spontaneous expansion could fill the continents with the knowledge of Christ; our control cannot reach as far as that.”

An interesting application for Allen’s thesis is today’s youth which has become disenfranchised with their parent’s church. The church has driven them away with stale rules and moldy traditions that block access to authentic Christianity. Most Churches are quick to admonish cussing teens, while NeoXenos lets them teach bible studies full of their peers. While NeoXenos may not have the market on youth ministry, we are following Allen’s model for ministry.

At Kent State, what started out way back when as a bible study of a few middle-school aged kids has become a ministry of almost 40 strong. The Holy Spirit is manifesting itself in the most unlikely sources, such as knuckle-headed teens praying with their friends to receive Christ. This seems improbable, but after all, as Allen points out, “For centuries the Christian Church continued to expand on its own inherit grace, and threw up an unceasing supply of missionaries without any direct exhortation.”

Additional Information

Comments (3)

August 13, 2009

Fightin’ in the Street

Filed under: Blogroll, Books, Uncategorized — joesnake @ 12:13 pm

In reading “Street Fighters: The Last 72 Hours of Bear Stearns, The Toughest Firm on Wall Street”, one gets the feeling that our financial system is beginning to rise up against us beyond our control, much like the machines in the Terminator movies. “Street Fighters” was written by Kate Kelly, a Wall Street Journal reporter, about the recent collapse of Bear Stearns, one of Wall Street’s oldest and most resilient firms.

Although the book details primarily the pivotal three days in March 2008 in which Bear Stearns, facing bankruptcy, was bought by J.P. Morgan, it also delves into the history of the firm and it’s most powerful players. The structure of Bear Stearns is uniquely American, as the men in control of Bear all make great American success stories.

Don't get into a street fighter with Rocky.
Street Fightin’ Men

The firm made its name embracing the “P.S.D.” – men who were poor, smart, and had a strong desire to be rich. Lack of a prestigious degree or that you were an outcast from a rival firm meant little if you were willing to do whatever it took to make the company and yourself rich. Inside Bear’s dysfunctional structure, the only commonality most had was making money. Bear’s brash and unapologetic style, with leaders that were as arrogant as they were rich, made it infamous, yet enabled it to thrive through crises like the Great Depression.

It was Bear’s management oversight, naivety, and eventual collapse that kicked off the economic troubles our country is mired in today. But, the alarming part of Kelly’s hour by hour account of the collapse is that none of the key players, not Bear execs, the Federal Government, or other Wall Street players, seem to have a handle on the situation. “Fighters” describes Bear’s collapse as a once-in-a-decade financial perfect storm. In short, Bear Stearns carried too many mortgage-backed securities and when trouble started to brew, debtors came calling, others grew weary of trading with the firm, hysteric selling of stock ensued, and Bear could no longer come up with the cash to make it through another day of trading.

The financial action is juxtaposed against individual Bear employees, who, with many investing lifetimes at Bear Stearns, stand to lose the most. While the top brass does everything they can to secure a last minute deal to ward off bankruptcy, many grapple with the implications of working so hard for a company that’s a sinking ship.

“There are thousands of people just going about their jobs here, [Bob Upton, Bear Stearns Treasurer] thought, and they have no fucking idea that were on the verge of collapse.”

In fact, “Street Fighters” is the perfect allegory for America itself. Instead of being taken as interesting reading for the financially inclined, “Fighters” should serve as a cautionary tale for all patriots who naively believe the United States is invincible. American finds itself caught in its own crisis, in part due to the events detailed in Kelly’s book. I believe the United States to be a great country and am thankful for the many opportunities I enjoy and freedoms I take for granted because I had the good fortune to be born here. But, just because America was brash and tough enough to survive in the past, doesn’t guarantee anything for the future. Remember, Bear executives also falsely believed they’d weather infinite trouble because they always had in the past. But, much like Bear, as our national debt increases by almost 4 billion dollars per day, I worry once our rivals see blood in the water, they will come calling as was the case with Bear.

In the end, which is more surprising – that Bear Stearns collapsed or that its executives, the Federal government, investors, and financial experts all believed it would never collapse, or at very least last long into the foreseeable future. The so-called experts were all caught off guard by how fast and complete Bear’s demise was. It shouldn’t be so shocking – After all, don’t all man-made empires eventually collapse?

Additional Information

Comments (1)

July 13, 2009

A Misguided Salvation?

Filed under: Blogroll, Books, Christianity — Tags: Mark Driscoll, Religion Saves — joesnake @ 9:23 am

Mark Driscoll’s new book, “Religion Saves and Nine Other Misconceptions”, aims to be, like the man himself, culturally relevant and hip. The only problem is it stumbles right out of the gate.

First, the title of “Religion Saves” is cumbersome – while the fine print explains that the statement “Religion Saves” is a misconception, the book itself isn’t so much a look at misunderstandings that surround Christianity, it is Driscoll’s attempt to answer the most popular questions posed by his website visitors. I can’t help by feel the whole experiment would have been better served by packaging the book more along the lines as it really is – perhaps “Why I Believe What I Believe on Nine Controversial Christian Issues”.

Next, as I read “Religion Saves”, I couldn’t stop wondering why even bother writing a book like this at all? Don’t get me wrong – I feel the nine questions, from topics ranging from the Christian stance on birth control, sex, dating, grace, and the emerging church Driscoll delves into are worthwhile of the time and effort spent writing and reading them. However, wouldn’t cultural relevancy be better served by disseminating the material differently? Perhaps online for free in a series of blog posts or available for download as Benson Hines has done with his e-book, “Reaching Campus Tribes: An Opening Inquiry”? Increasingly, younger generations strive to obtain information from fast and free electronic sources rather than an antiquated hard copy.

I believe I can fly.
Driscoll, one of the few modern “heroes” of the younger Christian generation.

Surely, hardcore Driscoll fans will seek out his material from any media he chooses to use. His brash and quotable style is appealing and suited towards the up and coming generations, which is precisely the reason his online videos and sermons are so popular. In a world full of wrongfully boring preachers, Driscoll stands out as a shining beacon that Christianity can be and is supposed to be life changing, radical, relevant, and fun. With this in mind, I had difficulty understanding who exactly Driscoll was writing “Religion Saves” for. My desire would be he garner new fans with every effort, ultimately aiding in adding to God’s kingdom. Yet, seemingly, he has penned a book for his already fans.

On the whole, I wonder why authors, especially those who really desire to get their information into as many hands and minds as possible don’t explore avenues such as ones successfully used by Radiohead while promoting “In Rainbows”. As you may remember, Radiohead offered its album for whatever price consumers were willing to pay, even for free. The result was one of the more successful albums in recent memory and added exposure, concert revenue, and album sales for an already ultra popular band in a consumer climate usually opposed to such things.

Alas, I suppose books make more money than blogs or free e-books and contracts with publishers need to be fulfilled.

To his credit, Driscoll has, as stated in the book’s introduction, already given sermons and created youtube videos answering the questions he explores in “Religion Saves”. Maybe, if paired as a companion piece to these efforts, this hard cover repackaging of “Religion Saves” will be successful. That is my hope. Again, maybe I’m being hyper-critical. Driscoll does take being relevant with respect to electronic media seriously. He offers a free e-book through relit.org called “Pastor Dad”.

So much for first impressions, right? You’ve heard mine on “Religion Saves”, yet I’ve barely cracked the actual book. Will I have anything positive to say about the actual material presented by Driscoll? As Driscoll himself says, he is “on a mission to both put people in heaven and put the “fun” back in “fundamentalism”. Does he succeed with “Religion Saves”? Stay tuned.

Additional Information

Comments (1)

May 1, 2009

Master Criminal, Life Loser

Filed under: Blogroll, Books — joesnake @ 9:31 am

I recently finished The Art of the Heist, a memoir written by Myles Connor Jr.

An infamous art thief and rock and roll band leader who loves to brag about his exploits, Myles Connor makes for an interesting read. Word on the street is the story has been tapped for the big screen by Hollywood.

For a majority of his book, I enjoyed reading about Myles’ high-jinks, yet as I finished the final pages, they took a depressing toll. Myles’ book is a big brag about his career as a criminal. The notorious thief loves to explain the genius behind his countless schemes, which are for the most part, extremely entertaining to read. However, he has an uncanny knack for painting his misdeeds, which include shooting at the police, armed robbery, and drug trafficking, as harmless foibles. Readers will be wondering if the self admitted smooth-talking felon is putting one over on us too. Oppositely, criminal associates of Myles don’t get the same treatment. While Connor fashions himself a modern-day Robin Hood who nobly follows his own code of criminal ethics, other thugs comprising his crews don’t get that benefit. Either way, to the disappointment of his parents and family, Myles spent the majority of his life running from jail or sitting in it.

No doubt a man wielding a genius-level IQ, Myles Connor puts his smarts to use in the way only a first-class reprobate could. He relishes his ability to outsmart authorities, a quality that enrages and makes life-long enemies out of them and yet will endear him to most readers. Sadly, it is also his undoing.

Connor’s tale climaxes when he cooks up a daring scheme to steal a million-dollar Rembrandt straight off the wall of a Boston Museum and use it as a bargaining chip to reduce a looming jail sentence.

The Art of the Heist goes down like leftover Easter candy. While a few pieces make for a sweet treat, there’s really no redeemable substance. Connor states that he has no regrets about the way he lived; as he was willing to substitute a life of stability, respectability, and trade in unfulfilled potential for the thrill of the heist and scattered jailhouse friendships. Those looking for a happy ending will instead just find an older Myles, eventually beaten down by the authorities he pissed off, that couldn’t shake a life of crime and never got wise.

Additional Information

Comments (3)

November 12, 2008

June 12, 2008

June 6, 2008

What’s So Confusing About Grace?

Filed under: Blogroll, Books, Christianity, Jesus, WORD related — Tags: confidence, grace, Paul, Yancey — joesnake @ 11:10 am

They were just asked to explain what grace meant and now the room of teenagers was struggling to come up with an explanation. Maybe you could blame it on the impending heat wave or the fact that the adolescent brain effectively shuts down for the summer beginning in June, but the answers given were of the mark.

“What is grace?” seems like an easy enough question, especially for a group of young evangelical-minded Christians. One suggested grace might be “forgiveness”, while another offered the kind of incoherent rambling answer you’d expect to hear if the student had slipped into a daydream during world history class and had just been unexpectedly called upon by the instructor and was now trying to answer without really knowing the question. Most just tried to quietly blend into a wall or a couch, hoping they wouldn’t be asked to answer. After minutes of failing to produce an adequate response to a seemingly simple question, a more knowledgeable older Christian stepped in after the students naively challenged him to come up with a sufficient answer.

“Grace is getting something you don’t deserve from someone who doesn’t have to give it to you”, he responded, quieting his young critics. Of course this older Christian knew the answer to this elementary question. Grace is all over the bible – it is what makes Christianity different from all other religions, gives us eternal life, and makes our Christian life work! In fact there’s a nifty little acronym to remember what grace is: “God’s riches at Christ’s expense”.

Grace is the gospel message, God’s plan to save us from ourselves. As Paul puts it in Romans, “the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Grace isn’t about what we’re doing or did, rather it’s about the fact that we can’t do it and need God to do it for us. As the book of Ephesians famously says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

On this level, it is easy to explain grace. But, grace is still hard to understand. As humans, we’re programmed with pride and the feeling like we deserve certain things. Surely, if I was in God’s position, there’s no chance I’d send my son to die for a bunch of ungrateful, obnoxious creeps who are just going to spit on and mock his sacrifice anyway.

When I received a large, flat-screen television from my parents this past Christmas, I struggled with the gift. There was no denying I wanted what was in that huge cardboard box, but there was no way I could have afforded to purchase it myself. Worse, there was no way I could possibly repay my parents back with a few measly “thank you’s” and the much less-expensive gifts I would soon be embarrassed to give them. It was a humbling experience, much like God’s free gift of grace. There’s no way we can afford to purchase ourselves out of death, yet Christ comes along and pays the price for us. When we accept it, it with the knowledge that there’s no chance we’ll ever repay him.

Some refuse to accept God’s grace because it feels so humiliating to admit inadequacy. Others spend the rest of their lives feeling obligated to try to reimburse God for his free gift, a notion that makes no sense, but happens anyway. After all, if it’s free, there’s no cost, right? Maybe we’re just used to our culture where “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” and there’s always a catch. It’s absolutely puzzling – along comes God and offers eternal life with no strings attached, yet most humans flat out refuse his offer! Why?

Grace is hard to handle for most; even the Christian “saved by grace” faces the seemingly constant temptation to live the Christian walk based on his or her own righteousness, not on God’s grace. In this vein, Paul rebukes the church in Galatians asking, “Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” We read that spiritual growth is by God’s grace, just like salvation was.

Phillip Yancey wrote a good book called “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” In it, Yancey struggles to explain grace, instead relying on examples of what grace looks like in action. When I read, I felt completely inadequate to practice grace in my life. More often I operate like a bank’s general ledger: keeping track of the wrongs and rights I perceive people doing to me, and then writing out my own actions in payment to the corresponding person accordingly. So, in a lot of ways, I’m in the same “confused about grace” boat as the perplexed teenagers I was sitting in the room with.

Grace is a radical idea straight from God. Based on grace, we are able to walk directly into the throne room of God himself confidentially. As the writer of Hebrews, who I again surmise to be Paul, says:

Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water…

Due to Jesus’ sacrifice and his blood we are able to have direct access to God, which happens “through the veil, that is, His flesh”. As Christians, we’re baptized into Christ, and God sees us exactly as he sees Christ. We enter the throne room of God clothed in Jesus, essentially as Jesus. On one level, grace is so simple – without it we can’t have salvation, sanctification, or glorification. All three of these are the result of letting God work in our lives, not our own works. Why does God want to take us to eventual perfection? Why does he save us from death and give us a lasting purpose? The answer is he loves us, but why does he love us so much? It is hard to fathom. One thing is for sure: without grace, we’d never even get close to God’s throne, with it we can approach it with confidence.

Additional Information

Comments (1)

May 22, 2008

The Complication of Steve Martin

Filed under: Blogroll, Books — Tags: Born Standing Up, Steve Martin, The Jerk — joesnake @ 2:25 pm

I have long thought of Steve Martin as a sad clown, a person who is funny on stage, but always seems to have an underlying melancholy. His autobiography, Born Standing Up: A Comic’s Life, only served to reinforce my view of Martin, while at the same time proving to be a funny, engaging, and at times, a sad read.

My opinion of Steve Martin as a funny-man is very favorable, yet Born Standing Up also gave insight into Martin’s carefully crafted, painstakingly detailed, and utterly serious approach to comedy. Determined to be noticed, appreciated and become a success despite his perceived lack of talent, Martin managed to quickly turn his time on stage into something totally functional and devoid of all fun:

“Enjoyment while performing was rare – enjoyment would have been an indulgent loss of focus that comedy cannot afford.”

Near the beginning of the book, Martin qualifies his written words; they are not representative of his entire life, rather their lone focus is on his career as a stand-up comedian.

In contrast to crude and vulgar comedy for shock value, Martin’s jokes are off-beat, zany and operate on an entirely different wavelength. His humor is smart and takes thought, something that might initially put my generation and younger ones off, but for the most part it stands the test of time. Martin is also a skilled comedy writer, having even won an Emmy penning jokes for The Smothers Brothers Show early in his career. I found myself laughing many times at both Martin’s on stage wit and the way he retold it with his meticulously selected words many years later.

Strangely, as I continued to read, I discovered Martin was a lot like me.

Steve is a deep thinker, constantly over thinking his every on stage movement days after performances in pursuit of acceptance from the audience. Often becoming twisted in thought over how an audience will react to a joke or an idea, he bombards readers with a constant stream of facts and detail. Even years later, he is able to recall the nuances of specific events in his career. Surely, he was also the only one who noticed these subtle details the first time around.

At the premiere of his now classic “The Jerk”, the audience roars with laughter almost non-stop, yet Martin still finds a way to have his feelings hurt. He wonders why the audience heads for the bathroom and the concession stand as Navin and Marie, played by Bernadette Peters, sing “Tonight You Belong to Me” as they along the beach while Martin strums the ukulele; a touching moment in the movie the sensitive Steve felt the crowd failed to appreciate.

Martin’s desire to be a successful stand-up appears to be driven by his quest for acceptance. Failed relationships and free love become lonely nights spent on the road. This translates into many years of honing the craft one-night stands until he is too famous to have them anymore.

The root of Martin’s drive during this time is his fractured and non-existent relationship with his father. However, the comedian talks about this failure with refreshing and unexpected candor:

“… [My father] offered to buy me a tuxedo. I refused because I had learned from him to reject all aid and assistance…I wish now that I had let him buy me a tuxedo, that I let him be a dad. Having cut myself off from him, and by association the rest of the family, I was incurring psychological debts that would come due years later…I tell you this story…to let you know that I am qualified to be a comedian.”

His father supported the family financially, yet was never available emotionally. At a young age, Steve grew bitter and resentful of him, remembering a childhood full of feelings of hatred towards his father.

“However [a one-time physical beating by my father] and his worsening tendency to rages directed at my mother – which I heard in fright through the thin walls of our home – made me resolve, with icy determination, that only the most formal relationship would exist between my father and me, and for perhaps thirty years, neither he nor I did anything to repair the rift. The rest of my childhood we hardly spoke; there was little he said to me that was not critical, and there was little I said back that was not terse or mumbled.”

As Martin reached super stardom, his father grew increasingly critical. Steve countered as he knew how- by cutting him off:

“[My father, after seeing me appear as a guest host gave an interview and] said, ‘I think Saturday Night Live is the most horrible thing on television.’ I suppressed anything I felt about his comments…But as my career progressed, I noticed that my father remained uncomplimentary toward my comedy…I never discussed my work with him again.”

Many years later, as his father lay dying, Steve reconciled with the dad who he felt never accepted him:

“At last [my father on his deathbed] said, ‘You did everything I wanted to.’ ‘I did it for you’, I said. Then we wept for lost years. I was glad I didn’t say the more complicated truth: ‘I did it because of you.’”

Despite fortune, fame, and a roaring laugh track, Martin could never escape the problems created by his dysfunctional relationship with his father. Although he thought he was escaping them when he foraged out into the world on his own and broke into comedy, he carried them with him wherever he went, as if they were packed along to travel in his suitcase.

Steve Martin performs on stage

From starting off as a young boy at Disneyland to packing sold-out stadium shows as an adult, for all the success Martin was able to accomplish, he found himself alone at the apex of comedy facing the pressure to deliver constant laughs. While the nation was spewing catch phrases like, “Excuuuuse me!” which he coined, Martin was unable to enjoy the fame and fortune success afforded him becoming even more lonely and burnt out touring the country. He had no real friends or relationships, his sole interaction coming nightly with a mass gathering of people who wanted to see his show. Afterwards, he would retreat to an isolated hotel room before collapsing for the night to wake up and perform again.

“Though audiences continued to grow, I experienced a concomitant depression caused by exhaustion, isolation, and creative ennui. As I was too famous to go outdoors…my romantic interludes ceased…I no longer had normal access to civilized life. The hour and a half spent on stage was still fun, but there were…no others on stage, and after the show, I took a solitary ride back to the hotel…and boom…nowhere to look but inward…it seemed like a near coma was the best way to spend the day…this was, as the cliché goes, the loneliest period of my life.”

Of course, Martin looks back on all this as older and wiser now, an elder statesman of comedy and film. Accept for the implications of his broken relationship with his family and father, little outside of his career in stand up comedy is mentioned. But, Martin’s story is a clear lesson for boys and girls attempting to pack their suitcases and run to a life of their own while thumbing their noses at Mom and Dad: your problems with home will impact the rest of your life.

Additional Information

Comments (2)

April 2, 2008

January 24, 2008

The Problem is Us

Filed under: Blogroll, Books, Christianity, Marriage — joesnake @ 10:30 am

Remember my defense of Men and Women?

Every so often, parents will tell laughable tales of their small children, who when at play with others of opposite sex in Kindergarten for the first time inappropriately begin curiously comparing what lies in their underpants. It is obvious to even the youngest minds that boys and girls are different, but the challenge according to Dr. Larry Crabb is “becom[ing] men and women who enjoy the difference.”

In “Men and Women: Enjoying The Difference”, Crabb aims to identify and isolate not the glaring physical and sexual differences between male and female, but the deeper, more controversial, and oft debated diversities that lie in our make-up and design as God’s creatures. In painstakingly thorough fashion, the experienced Christian relationship counselor isolates the biggest barrier he perceives in preventing husband and wife from attaining maximum enjoyment and potential in marriage. It turns what could have been 50 pages into a 213 page exercise of discipline, but for those aiming to become better husbands and wives, it’s worth it. According to Crabb, the festering roadblock of good marriages is self-centeredness.

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours…

For Christians, self-centeredness is an old enemy many thought they’d eradicated by receiving Christ or intellectually acknowledging. Not so, says Crabb: Selfishness is a parasitic disease of the flesh we must constantly and humbly turn to God for help with in brokenness if we hope for any chance for success in our marriages. “No one marries with plans to be miserable” , explains Crabb, but somewhere along the way all falter. Spouses point fingers, scream and yell, and often eventually forget why they loved each other or even got married in the first place. There is no instant answer for martial bliss, instead in repentance we must shift our way of thinking to God’s; a good relationship isn’t “one that provides us with whatever we need to feel happy” , it’s something radically different.

For most of the first half of the book, Crabb spends his effort lecturing on what does not instead of what actually does makes marriage work. In addition, he spends a great deal of time extolling the differences between the traditional and egalitarian view of relationships rather than actually talking about his view of the sexes. After much qualifying and explaining, when he finally does get to the point- that differences and gender roles are meaningless unless we first establish others-centeredness, it’s well taken. Pounding it home like a the noise of a jackhammer on a throbbing headache, Crabb repetitively ensures that readers will realize arriving at an others-centered mindset is the vital first step in a good relationship. Those who wish to glance over the problems their selfishness poses in search of easy, practical, chug-and-plug solutions will loathe Dr. Crabb’s book.

Smartly, the arrival at the realization of self-centeredness is a crucial one because God’s design and Crabb’s counsel to every difficulty in marriage can’t be answered by a step by step repair manual. Instead, God created men and women to perfectly complement each other and provide for one another’s needs in ways that the other of opposite sex could otherwise never have met if not for their partner. Out of the marriage relationship drips God’s genius and creativity, which Crabb shares with readers is because our creator enjoys a similar and more perfect version in the confines of the trinity. The Trinity’s “way of relating”, explains Crabb, “is so radically right that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, in some mysterious but profoundly meaningful way, can be regarded as one.” By this perfect example, “A good relationship is one in which each member willingly and actively devotes whatever he or she has to give to the well being of the other…the highest criterion for deciding what to do at any moment is a person’s understanding before God of what would be the greatest service he or she can offer to the other.”

Part two of the book, “How Relationships Do Work: The Difference Men and Women Can Enjoy”, should be required reading for those wishing for long lasting relationships. Crabb gets to the real goods here and shares his insights on what make men and women so radically different, yet fully equipped for relationship with one another. Again, like a broken record, he extols, “We must get it out of our heads that there is only one right course of action to take in every situation…we must be committed to other-centeredness” and then builds upon his earlier writing, adding that “living biblically in relationship requires courage to make risky decisions that come out of hearts wanting above all else to give.”

Although both “have the authority to serve one another” , Crabb finally, after much wrangling and explaining, concludes men and women are truly and biblically different. “A husband exercises headship over a wife when he expresses his manhood toward her, when he gently but strongly leads her with a strength that is not afraid to become deeply involved.” A man “wants to know that he can move toward a woman and touch her deeply.” As the creator, “God has placed within [a man] exactly what his wife longs to enjoy and what can encourage her to become all she was meant to be.”

Conversely, “a wife’s special resources as a woman consist primarily of an attitude of nourishing, unpanicked supportiveness and warm, not biting acceptance.” As I see in my own wife, a woman’s “goal…is to use [all these] resources in a fashion that has the power to draw her husband into a stronger commitment to God and into more godly involvement with her.”

For me, the book “Men and Women” walks hand in hand with the Love Ethics course we’re currently taking. As I consider how to stimulate my wife to better love and serve others instead of formulate some selfish plot to have her meet my needs, our marriage has grown. Just last Wednesday night after class, as we lay down to bed together, something unusual happened. As usual, she was grumpy and tired and so was I, but after a few tense moments of bickering back and forth, I turned my thoughts to God and to recently learned Love Ethics. “Tell me a secret”, I whispered and took a risk, thinking of the most illogical show-stopping reversal of my always logical personality I could. “Are you serious?” she cautiously questioned back before the conversion quickly moved into hours of honesty, laughter, concern, and overall open spiritual exchange between me and my wife. I’ve been in a relationship with Lauren for more than 8 years, but I communicated and shared things with her I had previously never shared in a way I never had and she did the same. The craziest part was at 1:30 am in the morning, nether of us wanted it to end. Strangely, it all began with an effort to focus on and serve my wife in a way that would meet her needs.

Additional Information

Comments (3)

Older Posts »