T.C. of an O.J.

Here’s a little known fact: I got involved in youth ministries with the church because I wanted to do the same thing my wife was doing (who was my girlfriend at the time). As an extremely young Christian, I was blatantly unconcerned with the actual ministry part of my being involved.

Somehow, I stayed on as a leader, though I wasn’t a good one. I stumbled and bumbled through years of junior high ministry failures, most of which were caused by my own selfishness. I didn’t prepare for teachings or spend any substantial amount of time prayerfully considering the kids God had entrusted me with. I wrongly reasoned that the way to win over the kids was to play the part of a cool older brother and this idea crashed and burned in many spectacular ways. Some of these disasters make for good stories, but the end result was tragic: my cell group outgrew the need for a chauffeur and instead turned away from God and turned to everything else the world offered.

Despite all of these horrible offenses, God used me and my half-assed, immature leadership for his glory. He also used the experience to mature me. Although there are things that I should have done differently, the boys that walked away from the Lord made their own choices.

The Bedford cell I once operated is now nothing more than a memory. The group was full of potential and possibility, but was derailed by seductive things - girls, drinking, drugs, and the pursuit of money and career. My heart does hurt for them almost daily.

As Paul puts it in 2 Corinthians, these guys were “written in my heart” and will remain there forever. It’s truly heartbreaking, especially when I meet up with them today and see the destructive choices they’re making. Yet, despite all of the miles I racked up driving across town, the countless “thwaps” I took to the nuts (I gave some out too), and years of time invested in; the endeavor was anything but a waste of time.

In spite of the best efforts of the “cooler” kids in my group, one boy did miraculously receive Christ during those old times and remains in the body to this day. That’s right, Bryan got saved!

As I talked with him years later on the McCallum’s screened-in porch, memories came rushing back into my head. I looked out on that old swingset in the backyard and could hardly believe that when I started in youth ministries the kids would actually go out and play on that thing after our teachings!

Bryan has his own cell group now and his success in the body of Christ is very exciting and fills me with tremendous joy. Although I had no clue what I was doing in Bedford all those years, God knew exactly what he was doing: now B has learned to love and care for his group of JHQ kids.

When I visit my mother at the house I grew up in, she will occasionally talk about the things I used to do when I was just a little boy. I know she is happy that I have started a life of my own with my wife, but I also know part of her is sad her kids have grown up.

I can only imagine it must be bittersweet to be a parent. Mom invested so much time and love into us, so we could grow up. The memories are great – times spent at the art museum, reading together, and singing songs. Part of me wishes I could go back too, but it’s painfully obvious that we can’t. Things change and kids don’t stay young forever.

I’m a few years away from children of my own, but I have a feeling that it might be something like this.

So, yes B it is heartbreaking to see these kids grow up and lose their innocence. It is sad because you will just the have memories of JHQ, but it is also sweet because you will make even more of them as you build the kingdom of God in Chill.

Bryan, you are doing a tremendous job loving them! I’m amazed by you and your love, compassion, and care for them. They are written on your heart. It is inevitable, that you will see some go into the world and it will be heartbreaking, but you will also see some kids that had no chance miraculously be rescued out of the world!

I thank God for you- you’re awesome, B!

So, excuse me. I have to go tell my Mom I love her.